{ where oh where to start }

i guess i should introduce myself.

my name is jessica. you can find out all about me at { jessica leigh }.

my momma is debbie, over at jeremiah 29:11, which you've already met!

i've struggled with my weight my entire life. the only time i ever remember being small was right after i had rods placed on either side of my spine!

i am considered obese, and i feel it!

i am so ashamed of how i look, yet i continue to eat. . . i start on a diet, start doing great, then. . .i just hit a brick wall and begin to delight once again in eating unhealthy fast food and ice cream.

i'm so sick of:

• being fat.
• being ashamed of myself.
• not being able to do all the stuff i really want to do with my children.
• being afraid that the gestational diabetes that i experienced with my children will one day come back full fledge.
• trying on a new outfit and looking pregnant.
• scared to death of going to the doctor because i have to get weighed.
• my back hurting all the time.
• weird menstral cycles.
• looking in the mirror at myself.

would you like me to go on? because it seems everything i do. . . .my weight has a huge factor in it.

my ultimate goal is to loose around 75 lbs. i started the healthy way of eating/life about 2 weeks ago. i've lost 8lbs in these two weeks, which is great, but i need to be held accountable.

another goal is to have my sweet momma watch our boys and to surprise my husband with being able to hike to MT. LECONTE. i've tried several times, but my back hurts so bad we have to turn around.

i've finally told my husband he HAS to help! i've never freely told my weight, but i want him to keep track and make sure i'm on the right path!

i read my mom's post, but i haven't had the chance to read the entire blog. i did gather that several of you metioned, or it was at the side. . .that one should weigh everyday. . .which i've started doing! this has really seemed to help. i like to weigh right after i have gone to the bathroom, after i wake up. i've always heard that's when you weigh the least! so. . . .i'm beginning to check myself every morning right then!

pray for me. i'm going to the doctor today for my yearly. i'm really dreading it. i'm dreading her giving my bloodwork tests back to me, as well as being weighed, and. . . .you know what else!!!

i'm ready to be happy! i've not been happy in such a long time. i'm so happy with my SAVIOR, my husband, my boys, and my family. . . .but i'm not the least bit happy with myself.

here is a picture of me. . .oh my goodness when i hit the publish post, i may have to go drink some liquor to forget what i've done! (kidding! i don't drink)

i would love to do the weekly weigh in with you all. . . . .

happy monday! what a day to start the week, going to the ob! fun fun!